I have not been a very good vegan lately. I don't know what it is. Laziness? Depression? Apathy? Addiction? Whatever the reason, I had a hand in helping my kids finish off their Halloween candy. Even the non-vegan chocolate that contained milk.
This stuff used to not even tempt me.
I knew that if I put something bad into my system, I would feel bad. I had no urge.
Now it's like I want to make myself feel bad. Like I don't deserve to feel good and healthy.
And then the ultimate sin. Last night we had pizza in the house and I was craving a piece so bad that I just ate one. With cheese on it. Real cheese.
OK, OK, I ate TWO!
It was like eating despair.
But it did something good anyway. It made me feel so yucky that I no longer have the urge. I need to remember all of the reasons I became vegan in the first place. I need to think about my health, and about those animals. Especially the animals suffering for their entire pathetic lives so that we can order a pizza and drink the milk and stuff ourselves with ice cream and cheeseburgers and cholesterol and death.
I am not perfect. Not even close.
I do care. Enough not to fall into what is easier and more convenient and more socially acceptable. Enough to say what I think and do what makes me feel like me. Eating that pizza did not feel like me.
Now, if I could get my hands on some more Daiya vegan cheese, that would be me.